Troubling consequences of federal child pornography laws

February 19, 2014

By Andrew Extein, MSW
Co-authored by Galen Baughman


Until Dec. 11, 2013, Jesse Ryan Loskarn was a popular chief of staff for a Tennessee senator. But on that winter day, police broke down the door of his rowhouse in southeast Washington, D.C., and searched for the illegal digital items that had led them there: explicit videos of boys posing nude and engaging in sexual acts.

On Thursday, Jan. 23, 2014, Ryan was found dead in his basement.

On Monday, Jan. 27, 2014, there was a twist. Ryan’s mother posted his suicide note online, revealing the great complexity to his story. He wasn’t a faceless headline, wasn’t a cautionary tale, wasn’t a vague story of justice. He became what most people didn’t want him to be: a human being.

What most of us have trouble comprehending — an argument all but forbidden in our current climate — is that Ryan could be understood as a victim himself. For his suicide note reveals a stunning truth: his own history of sexual abuse, one that had far-reaching, complex emotional effects.


The way the government punishes the purchasing, downloading, possession, or distribution of child pornography has become increasingly draconian. According to Families Against Mandatory Minimums (FAMM), the length of federal child pornography sentences has increased 500-percent in the last 15 years. The federal mandatory minimum is five years for receipt, distribution, possession with intent to distribute or sell, transportation, or production of child pornography — per image. This conduct could range anywhere from producing explicit images of the violent abuse of children to accidentally clicking on the wrong link or inadvertently downloading a video on a file-sharing network. Yet law enforcement (and society generally) conflates these situations; child pornography becomes a loaded and intimidating institution that needs to be crushed. (see Huff Post for full story)

28 comments for “Troubling consequences of federal child pornography laws

  1. Nita
    July 15, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    Laws have to change. The internet is such a wealth of information but also detrimental to those who use it the wrong way. Whether it be curiosity or just because it’s there, they think it’s ok to look at. After what my son has been through, it am starting to think it’s a conspiracy/entrapment by the law enforcement. My son was a straight ‘A’ student. He had never been in trouble before. We lived a few blocks for years from a school. Lost his job and was depressed. He spent a lot of time watching movies, playing video games and was on the wrong websites. Instead of being helped, he was thrown into prison. This “Thought” crime as another referred to is accurate. He is non-violent, it was victimless. The sex offender title needs to be accessed with risk factors. I will be there for him when our laws make it next to impossible to become a productive citizen. No second chances for him which is not right. He was proven guilty of Child porn, nothing more. He made a mistake that he will pay for, for the rest of his life, however long that might be if these laws don’t change.

  2. I was a sad Guy
    June 28, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    In 2004 I lost a job I had for 25 years, I lost it not for something I did but rather a string of circumstances. I went into a deep depression, started drinking and went to a doctor for anxiety and started taking xanax. ( not a good start to cure depression) I isolated myself in a room and started on porn sites, I went into chat rooms and ended up looking at child porn sent on a distribution list. I realized how bad it was so i deleted the screen name and had never kept an image in my computer. 12 mos later, the depart of homeland security raided my home guns drawn, ransacked my home while my three children were at school and my now ex-wife was waling in the door. They took our computers and found the images on the hard drive. They interviewed everyone I knew, CPS came to our home and everything. They found I had not done anything but look at those images in my emails.

    The feds never charged me but the state of TX did and they gave me a 10 year probation of which I lasted three weeks. ( they wanted me to put a sign on my door saying I was a sex offender) I ended up serving a two year sentence of which I actually did 10 most 28 days and spent the ret of the time on parole.

    I lost all my friends, and family, I was homeless, very depressed and tried to kill myself 6 times. I finally went to MHMRA in Houston and they counseled me back to health. Then I started going to lakewood church in Houston and I started to have a positive thought process again.

    Being a registered sex offender gives me a great deal of shame, we can’t move easily, I can never go back to my old career as corporations don’t hire people like me. Luckily I have started my own company and have been blessed to earn more money then ever, reunited with my children and remarried and have a great child.

    There is hope, there is a way, there is a light, the shame that comes with this is unbearable. People will sometimes google me in my business and I will get rejected. I just have to keep pushing forward and prove to people that I am a good person.

    There are close to 1 million registrants now, we are not all bad people. I give money, and will hire people with backgrounds. Someday I hope to earn enough money to buy small duplexes just for offenders.

    I praise God every day for delivering me from this, Its a struggle but its one I am going to win..

    This will not define who I am, it will establish what I will become.. better, stronger and happier. They won’t win..

    • rwvnral
      June 28, 2015 at 7:32 pm

      Thank you for sharing your story. We need more success stories like this. I also think many of us would be interested in knowing the line of work you are in since registrants often find it difficult to find their way into a productive niche. -Robin

  3. leo
    June 23, 2015 at 12:18 am

    Hi all my name is leo, honestly after reading all of your comments i took a moment with my 9mm in my fronthead and about to pull the trigger BUT GOD saved me and i decide to write this to any one of you.. anyone who has a heart and give me hope…. im asking for help :( if you decide to help me please be free and reply me on my hotmail im really sad :( ..ill leave my hotmail here (

  4. ksmith
    May 15, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    My daddy was just sentenced to 5 years. And, I see, we all have an opportunity to build each other up and find strength in our shared experiences. We cannot carry the weight of our sins around, or we will surely be crushed by the weight. Jesus did not die for us to carry guilt and shame the rest of our days. I always feel better if I can get out from under my sorrows long enough to help someone else. And I’m here needing your help tonight and for the next few years, it seems. Please tell me what to expect. Please give me whatever advice, strengths, anything that got you and your families through. How did you get out early? How is federal time? I don’t know anything and my hope is that educating myself will help.

    • a mother
      May 16, 2015 at 2:49 am

      where is your dad going to be incarcerated at? fell free to email me at My family member is half way through his 5 year term.

    • Cuppy
      June 23, 2015 at 10:22 pm


      I’m reading your comment dated May 15th; just now reading this Jun 23…never been to this site before. Anyway, I was sentenced to 5 years at Allenwood LSCI (receipt of chi** **rn) and have been out for over a year. You are right that educating yourself is one of the best solutions to helping your dad, along with support, and getting adjusted to a temporary state of anxiety (granted 5 years is a long state of anxiety!) But, I say that in an encouraging way as much as I can considering it’s text and you can’t hear me say it. I could go on until ad nauseum about all the draconian things going on and how, I think this is going to be the new crime de’jour like the war on drugs was and still is. Anyway, I’d love to help in answering any questions but this method seems too tedious and inappropriate to (for me). Please email me at if you feel comfortable to answer questions. My name is Cameron. Considering I’m a stranger you might not but don’t hesitate. Looking forward to hearing from you and hang in there!

  5. Martin
    March 16, 2015 at 9:39 am

    6 years ago my son committed suicide in our basement. He hung himself. My wife found him and yelled for me to come quick. I performed CPR and called 911. It was too late, he was gone. My wife and I sank into a deep depression. For a few years we walked through each day with a dark cloud over our heads. My business declined which lead to financial struggles and more depression. After a few years I began missing the intimacy my wife and I once enjoyed. Due to her depression and her own attempt at taking her life, any advanced were rejected. Making an incredibly great decision (sarcasm), I turned to the internet for pornography. Over a year had gone by. I had discovered a file sharing program called eMule. I found large numbers of photos and videos available. As I discovered through therapy, adult men seeking pornography do not look for age appropriate photos and videos. It is the young women that are deemed the most attractive. With the large numbers of photos, sometimes in the tens of thousands, scaling down the searches resulted in more refined search results. What I was looking for were college age beauties. Unfortunately the search results also returned a number of illegal photos. Some as young as 15 or 16 as I later found out. These photos were deleted. All was well, or so I thought.

    My then 12 year old son, against my better judgement, talked his mother into allowing him a cell phone. He subsequently began texting a girl from his school. Her father discovered the photos and called the police. Early one morning a knock at my door from a large number of State Police and Federal Agents swarmed my home with guns drawn and a search warrant. They confiscated every computer, phone, and camera in the house. A year went by when they came to arrest me. I spent a weekend in jail with a huge amount of fear. I had never been in trouble before. We hired a very expensive attorney that ultimately was only able to get me a plea agreement that said I would plead guilty, avoid possible prison and they would not prosecute my son for sexting. They had found the 6 deleted photos on my hard drive. Because I was using the file sharing software eMule, I was prosecuted for distributing child sexually abusive material, given 5 years of probation and placed on the registry. My attorney told me the judge was even reluctant to sentence me due to the minimal and almost non-existent evidence. He entered into the record that I would be allowed to keep my children, attend any school functions and be involved in their life. My wife stood behind me the entire way. For this I consider myself to be extremely fortunate in the current climate of this “witch hunt”. My wife and I still struggle with depression. Therapy has helped. The overwhelming feelings and thoughts of helplessness and a hopeless future pervade my thoughts. Suicide has always been on my mind. My wife and children are all that prevent me from following through.

    For 25 years when society called for help I was there in my previous career. I deal with the mental images and occasional nightmares of that career. That same society that I was there for, has thrown me away as some kind of a repulsive monster. I admit I knew that some of my searches in eMule would include inappropriate images. I never kept a single image nor did I want them. I admit that what I did was selfish and thoughtless. No depression is an excuse for the behavior I demonstrated. I would like to say I never touched anyone, never wanted to touch anyone or contacted anyone in any way yet my life is over due to these incredibly draconian laws. While I do believe that true sex offenders should be monitored, I do not believe that a hyper-sensitized society needs to be aware of every “possible” danger. I have read that fewer than 18% of those on the registry are actually “touch” crimes. Why is the society that I defended and worked for for so many years throwing away such a large number of people that have made a mistake?

    I digress……I now will begin another day of depression, and fear. Wondering when the next shoe will fall. I am destroyed….

    • John Cook
      June 7, 2015 at 11:13 am

      Dear Martin I want you to know that me and my wife are behind you our 26 yr old is charged with state charges and we are fighting illinois over this he is looking at 57 to 213 yrs for videos that they say cannot be stopped. what they have done to you and him is to ruin your lives and show they are keeping crime down and thats sick. We are truly sorry for your loss and may
      GOD bless you and your family.

  6. erich
    October 30, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    I have a great support group. Therapists, friends, blah, blah. They go home at night and say, poor him. They give me words like survive, and one day at a time. Mean while I face the distain of the public and the fear of homelessness and hunger. No steady work, no comforting relationship. I am single, jobless,no insurance, and low on funds. Ending it seems just logical.

  7. June 28, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Most of the child pornography that is confiscated by law enforcement officials in the United States has been imported from foreign countries.  (Taylor & Clemetson, 2001). Aficionados and vice cops concede that practically all the sexually explicit images of children circulating on the net are the same stack of yellowing pages found at the back of those X-rated shops, only digitized. These pictures tend to be twenty to fifty years old, made overseas, badly re-reproduced, and for the most part pretty chaste. That may be why federal agents almost never show journalists the contraband. When a journalist did get a peek at a stash downloaded by Don Huycke, the national program manager for child pornography at the U.S. Customs Service, in 1995, they were underwhelmed. Losing count after fifty photos, they put aside three that could be called pornographic; a couple of shots were of adolescents masturbating, half-dressed twelve-year-old spreading her legs in a position more like a gymnast’s split than split beaver. The rest tended to be like 15yo’s with a 1950s bob and a grin.

    The promotion of exaggerated, or even false, ‘statistics’ on such issues is not a new phenomenon. However there appears to be a growing trend in the United States as well as the rest of the world giving new life to out of date statistics that have previously been found false or misleading. Many of these “statistics” originate from child abuse industry in the USA and UK. They need to keep the public scared in order to keep the tax dollars flowing increasing their funding by government and/or public donations in the name of the,”child”. The fear industrial complex is composed of politicians, activist groups and corporations that all sell us on the idea that they can provide safety from the very dangers they are scaring us about.

    Whenever somebody’s trying to scare me the question I ask myself who is benefiting from it, and in what way and how big is the danger more importantly is it really? Is it big, is it small, or is it just that they stand to benefit by making us scared? (The ‘Fear Industrial Complex’ How the Media, Government and Corporate America Bank on the Business of Fear”, John Stossel & Natalie D. Jaquez, ABC News 20/20, 23)

    Kenneth Lanning former Supervisory Special Agent, Behavioral Science Unit, Federal Bureau of Investigation Academy remarked in April of 1992, about Child Sex Rings: A Behavioral Analysis For Criminal Justice states, “Some professionals (dealing with child sexual abuse) however, in their zeal to make American society more aware of this victimization, tend to exaggerate the problem. Presentations and literature with poorly documented or misleading claims about one in three children being sexually molested, the $5 billion child pornography industry, child slavery rings, and 50,000 stranger-abducted children are not uncommon. Isn’t the problem is bad enough? Why does Law Enforcement embellish logical fallacies coupled with Gothic Melodramas, false and misleading news conferences.

    It’s not necessary to exaggerate the issue of child sexually abuse. Professionals those in Law Enforcement and the social sciences should cite reputable and scientific studies noting the sources of information. Real science demands child abuse industry professionals use real science and not some rehashed paper thrown together quoting cohorts with a publish or perish mentality perpetuating the golden egg they made for themselves. While everyone was out working hard trying to provide for there families the child abuse industry along with their lobbyists snuck in the back door infiltrating that which they can not derive from the voter. They put in motion using the federal government one of the biggest grabs for tax dollars in recent times all using the currant, “child abuse” rhetoric. What happened? The masses fell for it including the USA’s Supreme Court hook line and sinker without even a question because it is about,”The Children”. When the exaggerations and distortions are discovered, their credibility and the credibility of the issue are lost.

    Our society remains unwilling to make sexuality part of a comprehensive health education program in the schools. The idea that curious, young or old minds are vulnerable to bad thoughts, which may lead to bad acts is the founding principle of obscenity law. Society driven by logical fallacies spread by the child abuse industry remains at a high alert status and is anxious to the point of hysteria about young people and sex. Our public health policy concerning sexuality education appears to be ideologically motivated rather than empirically driven. This paper is about fear; America’s fears about child sexuality. The architects and practitioners of oppression use the term, “child protection” for what they do; However I have found the opposite to be true, because the sexual politics of fear is harmful to those under 18. This is not a new phenomenon back in 1868, an English anticlerical pamphlet called The Confessional Unmasked
    was deemed obscene and punishable because its text might, “suggest to the minds of the young of either sex, and even to persons of more advanced years, thoughts of a most impure and libidinous character.” (Marjorie Heins, INDECENCY: The Great American Debate over Sex, Children, Free Speech, and Dirty Words, Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Arts, Monograph Paper #7, 1997, 4)

    Witch hunts alchemized the pornography scare which later became a more general panic over child sexual abuse with NO empirical evidence to support their claims. Radical Right Feminist, right wing fears and worries about children’s vulnerability to adult sexual desire has reified the therapy and child abuse industry’s. They have taught themselves to uncover abuse in every female patient’s past; It’s very lucrative. They saw profanity in the form of abortion, divorce, homosexuality, premarital teen sex, and sex education everywhere encroaching on sanctity. To them, it made sense that adults, with Satan as chief gang-banger, were conspiring in, “rings” to rape innocent children. Such myths have survived because they are useful for the left as well as for right conservative and patriarchal agendas. Republican crime bills have been indicting and sending innocent and victimized children to trial as adults tossing who are their most powerful weapon; However the right increasingly draws on a vocabulary of child protection as the bulwark of their campaign against multiculturalism, feminism, Internet expression and queer politics. The negate any meaningful political response to this conservative agenda which must reassess childhood innocence.

    Curiosity energizes and ennobles. Thoreau said, “The  greatest  compliment  that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.”   Listening lifts people. Curiosity keeps people coming back whether there is a new gadget or not, because they know they might learn something new. Law Enforcement has learned from the social sciences on how to cultivates curiosity which make their, “child porn pull marketing”work. Curiosity keeps people engaged long after Law enforcement present their daily, “Gothic melodramas”where prosecutors and agents stand behind a podium all lined up in front of the camera and plastered on the front page of the news papers. There they demonize child porn and connect you to their pedophile drama while pretending to shut it down. They providing a person not just titillation but assurances by them they are our righteousness protectors.  A curious person would want to find out more because thats human nature and they know it.

    According to police files, 95% of allegedly abducted children turn out to be “runaways and throwaways” from home or kids snatched by one of their own parents in divorce custody disputes.(. Laliberte, “Missing Children,” 77.) Studies commissioned under the Missing Children’s Assistance Act of 1984 estimate that between 52 and 158 children will be abducted and murdered by non family members each year. Extrapolating from other FBI statistics, those odds come out between 1 in 364,000 and fewer than 1 in 1 million.(According to the FBI, “classic” abductions, in which a child is taken by a nonfamily member more than fifty miles from home, held overnight, and ransomed or murdered, number two hundred to three hundred annually, or 1 child in every 230,000 (as of 1997).) A child stands a greater risk of dying in a car accident: 25% to 75% times greater.

    A pedophile,” depending on the legal statute, the perception of the psychologist, or the biases of the journalist, can be anything from a college freshman who has once masturbated with a fantasy of a twelve-year-old in mind to an adult who has had sexual contact with an infant.(. Marina Warner, “Little Angels, Little Monsters,” in her Six Myths of Our Time (New York: Vintage Books, 1994)) Pedophiles are not generally violent, unless you are using the term sexual violence against children in a moral, rather than a literal, way. Its perpetrators very rarely use force or cause physical injury in a youngster. (. John D’Emilio and Estelle B. Freedman, Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in America (New York: Harper and Row, 1988), 12-14, 43.)

    Nine in forty five million children are raped and murdered: slim odds, sure, but if it happens to your baby, who cares about the statistics? Our culture fears the pedophile, say some social critics, not because he is a deviant, but because he is ordinary and I don’t mean because he is the ice-cream man or Father Patrick ONeil. No, we fear him because he is us.

    Literary critic James Kincaid traced this terror back to the middle of the nineteenth century. We relish our erotic attraction to children, says Kincaid (witness the child beauty pageants in which JonBenet Ramsey was entered). but at the same time we also find that attraction abhorrent in which I believe we have become Congnative dissonant. This being a direct result of miss information perpetuated by Law Enforcement, government and the media who fail to go after the truth and more or less collude. (like what we witnessed in public shock and disgust at JonBenet’s “sexualization” in those pageants).

    So we project that eroticized desire outward, creating a monster to hate, hunt down, and punish. (. James R. Kincaid, Child-Loving: The Erotic Child and Victorian Culture (New York: Routledge, 1992); and James R. Kincaid, Erotic Innocence: The Culture of Child-Molesting (Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press, 1998)).

    Herman’s work was at the front edge of a horrifying suspicion, the truth of which is now firmly established. Even if child-sex crimes against strangers are rare, incest is not. Like pedophilia, it’s hard to say how common it is, since incest figures are almost as mud died as those of adult-child sex outside the family. On one hand, child abuse statistics are notoriously unreliable; for example, of the 319,000 reports of sexual abuse of children in 1993, two-thirds were unsubstantiated.( National Incidence Studies of Child Abuse and Neglect, vol. 2 (Washington, D.C.: Department of Health and Human Services, 1993))

    When child pornographers first came to public light in 1976, researchers found them to be feeble beast and an even worse businessman. In fact, they were almost bankrupt. Raids aimed at cleaning up Times Square for the Democratic Convention uncovered only a minuscule cache of kiddie porn. (Lawrence Stanley, “The Child Porn Myth,” Cardozo Arts and Entertainment Law Journal 7 (1989): 295-358) But those few stacks of dusty, decades-old black and white rags, already illegal, were enough to launch a crusade. A child psychiatrist, Judianne Densen-Gerber, who founded the drug rehabilitation empire Odyssey House in New York led the team that would epitomize the anti CP forces. Joined by a vice cop, Sergeant Lloyd Martin, of the Los Angeles Police Department.

    Agencies of government eliminated and collected child pornography from the private sector. Now Law Enforcement agencies have become the sole reproducers and distributors of child pornography where virtually all advertising, distribution, and sales to people considered potential lawbreakers is being done by the federal government, in sting operations against people who have demonstrated through, for instance, membership in what agents regard as a predisposition to commit a crime. Thought crimes!!

    Instead of indicting our Monday night football buddies, rather than indict the family, though, we circle the wagons and project danger outward. “Screen out anyone who might be damaging to your child. Whenever possible, assume childcare responsibilities,” the FBI’s Kenneth Lanning advised the readers of Life Magazine; “Tell your kids that if an adult seems too good to be true, maybe they are.”(. Jennifer Allen, “The Danger Years,” Life, July 1995, 48.) During the 1960s and 1970s, sex panic gave way to sexual liberation, including, for a brief moment, the notion that children had a right to sexual expression. “Sex is a natural appetite,” wrote Heidi Handman and Peter Brennan in 1974, in Sex Handbook: Information and Help for Minors. “If you’re old enough to want to have sex, you’re old enough to have it.”. (Heidi Handman and Peter Brennan, Sex Handbook: Information and Help for Minors (New York: Putnam, 1974))

    • Nancy Galuppo
      June 7, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      How is it if this is so widespread that the sentencing for computer porn is so varied. After reading the United States Sentencing Commission report on sentencing for sounds as if they are confused on the sentences that are doled out with points so high that the “offender” will serve a 20 year sentence with life probation and other add ons for a first offense… the registry for life….so a person in his 20’s will be in his 40’s when released and no hope for employment or education….this is a life sentence. Not for killing someone or harming anyone…but for viewing…not sending or copying just viewing something that is on the computer……and we are filling our prisons with these first offenders……

    • deb
      June 20, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      Well said!

  8. David
    June 18, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    I feel all of your pain, I to think about killing myself to end the guilt shame and rejection.
    I was convicted on Federal charges of child porn back in 1995 and did 10 years and started my 10 year reg, in 2004, Did my supervision ending in 2007. Then in 2012 Pennsylvania changed it, thanks to Adam “F” in Walsh. to a life time registration.
    I lost everything, and slowly built back up to owning a home, and worked for awhile, until I got laid off. Then could not find work and my health took a turn for the worse, now I am disabled and living like a hermit, alone and unloved, and dying slowly from my health problems. And the state wants me to go every 3 months to take my picture and sign a card. So, I feel your pain brothers and sister, And, a year ago, RSOL, had a telephone conference and people seemed very willing to work and change things and I volunteered to help. But, that has been over a year, and nothing. So, if we can’t stand up united and make a stand and change things, we will not begin to feel, human again, and have a purpose in life.

  9. Anthony
    April 6, 2014 at 8:06 am

    I am genuely against child pornography.
    Yet I do agree the definition has been greatly distorted as well as punishment for. As with so much internet traffic, virous’s, & bugs its too easy to click on the wrong thing.
    These laws should be only going after the production and producing of child porn when and only when an actual human being child is being perpitrated apon.
    Just like why go after the person illegally”

  10. Brian
    April 4, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    This is sadly familiar with my own situation. I too contemplated suicide countless times after being arrested for the possession of three videos of child pornography. Now my life is a prison without walls as J Strider mentions above. Each of my thoughts throughout the day are filtered through shame and the decision to kill myself or to search for some sort of life where I can feel whole again. But for all practical purposes,my life is over. Prior to my arrest,I had been a successful engineer and law-abiding citizen with no contact with the law throughout my forty five years.I had had nothing so much as a speeding ticket throughout my life but made a horrible mistake after isolating myself and allowing depression to take over my thinking.

    Now I live in shame and in constant fear of being approached by neighbors and strangers ( which has happened in the past) and constantly feel the walls closing in in an effort to escape the shame.

    I have successfully completed my sentence,probation and therapy but still continue to live under the label of “sexual predator”.

    I live in hope that one day there may be a system put in place in my state to appear in front of a judicial review board that would evaluate my case,life history and character to possibly remove me from the lifelong registration.

    • Witch
      June 8, 2014 at 5:18 pm

      i am 100% with you Brian! i am 54 years i have lost everything ithat has ever meant anything to me. my family has abandoned me my wife of 20 years divorced me and my son has disowned me. I live in fear of being arrested for some assanine law that will land me in prison for the rest of my life. I was not convicted of child porn but pretty close to the same. My life has become meaningless. I have no family other than the ones that have disowned me. I am thinking about suicide at this very moment. I know I will eventually do it I just havent aquired the courage yet. Nobody will give a damn anyway. None of my family that is. I know that people say that they will care but I just dont believe them anymore. It has been 4.5 years since I have even spoken to my son. I dont even know him anymore. The pain I live with from the rejection the shame and guilt of it all is too much to endure. Im no threat to anyone yet I am on the registry for 25 years.

      • Beth
        June 22, 2014 at 2:25 pm

        Please don’t kill yourself! My son will be released from federal prison in a little over three years. He had a 10 year sentence for child porn on the internet. Thanks to Obama his term was reduced to a little over seven years. I want to be there for my son and help him in every way I can. What he did was wrong, but everyone messes up one way or another. I do not believe he should be punished for the rest of his life for looking at pictures. I do not know exactly what will be required of him when he is released from prison, but I am aware it will not be pleasant, to put it mildly. I have just joined RSOL. I want to learn what I can do to help my son and others in similar situations.

        • Deb
          November 2, 2014 at 5:02 pm

          I have a son who is in prison for child porn. Although it was a rented computer and the images were on the hard drive, the computer was in his name. When he sent it in for repair, and the pc was missing for four days and no one knew where the pc was, not even the rent-to-own store. When it was finally found and went for repair, then it was discovered that the child porn was downloaded. Although it was deleted, it was still on the hard drive. And it was proven that it was done before he rented it. It was in his name. We fought it for two years, and then the feds picked it up. And after a year of fighting he was given 90 months, and placed in a LOW risk prison. I lost everything I had, and so did my parents. But I will continue to do what I can for my son until my last breath.

        • ksmith
          May 15, 2015 at 9:18 pm

          Please tell me how he got out early.

        • sue
          June 8, 2015 at 10:42 am

          Beth ,
          How did your son get a reduction in his 10 year sentence to a little over 7???
          Our son is also serving an unjust sentence of 10 years. Anything to get him out sooner would be a blessing.
          I also want to learn and do everything I can to help our son and others with similar situations. I feel everyone’s pain and suffering.
          I just recently joined RSOL.
          You can also email me at
          Any input or advice is greatly appreciated.
          Thanks in advance.

    • Jeff
      June 14, 2014 at 3:15 pm


      I feel your pain and suffering. I too was convicted of a misdemeanor 311.11 for four pictures that according to the police report the victims of the offense were sixteen years of age or older. I did not go out searching the internet for CP, I had just become addicted to porn as a result of isolating myself after to many broken hearts. As a result I spent 3 months in jail and have to register for the rest of my life. The one blessing is that my personal information is not on the megans list website. The shame and guilt of this followed me for a few years after the offense and all I thought about was wanting to end the fear, shame and guilt by taking my own life.

      This offense according 14 years ago, I lost my career as a IT professional but was lucky enough to find work in construction but, knew with and previous injuries I would not be physical able to do the work. So I decided to go back to college and get a Engineering Degree. Life was good and this point, I worked construction in the summers to pay my way. I was dirt poor but, the feelings of fear, shame and guilt had melted away. The only time I thought about my past offense was when I had to register.

      I was scheduled to graduate this fall 2014. So I confirmed that my attorney had expunged by case properly and he did. I was then told that I might want to do a name search on the internet of myself. No problem I thought there never was any mention of my case a few years after my conviction but, now 10 years later there is. I was shocked, terrified and the feelings of guilt and shame came racing back in. Six years in school for nothing. Now all I think about is death knowing any legit employer will do a name search.

      How do we go on, am a single guy from a large family that fully supports me and have many friends that know of my conviction and they support me. But I just cannot do the construction much longer due to back and shoulder replacement needs. Its only the prescribed anti-anxiety and sleeping pills that are keeping me here. I just cannot go through this lifetime of shaming and living in fear.

      I really relate to your “Each of my thoughts throughout the day are filtered through shame and the decision to kill myself or to search for some sort of life where I can feel whole again”

      If you don’t mind me asking, have you been able to find employment?

      May God bless you and bring you peace

    • Nick
      June 23, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      You might want to live in another state. I have understood that most states do not list people convicted of simple possession of child porn to public website.
      You could start from these sites to find information of what convictions require public listing in different states: and The clear information is not available for all states but these sites will give you at least some info for a start. Also WATCH OUT for the catch all statutes that might require life long registering when moving from another state. Some states e.g. Illinois, (if I recall right) has one, but you would not want to live there anyway since they list all offences on the public site. It would be wise to contact the registry board of the state to ask them directly how your offence would be treated in their registry system. Also consulting an attorney would be advisable before moving in to a new state.

      Good luck and stay strong people.

      • Nick
        June 23, 2014 at 5:18 pm

        Forgot to add that some states only require tier/level 3 offences to be put on public websites. Of course one never knows if and when these laws are goiing to change and if they will be aplied retroactivly, but still, I would consider moving as one possible solution to get off the public registry.

        Moving might not be easy but it is one option to have a fresh start.

  11. J Strider
    April 2, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    I feel exactly the same. I was accused and prosecuted with no evidence other than hearsay. And now I am marked and judged for life. I have to go through hoops every day just to live that day out of prison. It does seem to me death is more preferable sometimes than living in what seems only a prison with it’s walls expanded with an illusion of being free finally. So many restrictions and requirements with costs associated with keeping compliant is an almost impossible task without assistance from another person or persons who you might be fortunate enough to have in your life. Colorado needs to get with the rest of the nation in doing away with the lifetime act!!

  12. February 25, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    I feel for all those that have to go through all this. I myself am on a sex registry and some of the restrictions are not fair, and yes I have thought about killing myself but what would that prove?

    Sex is a sin just like any other disobedience is. When the law takes matters in its own hands and pressures one they are accountable for their faults also. I’m not saying that killing oneself is the right thing to do but with the pressure surrounding it, it would make one want to commit suicide. I am sorry for the loss of this loved one but pressures can take there toll in the mind of people and the end can result in a bad way. The Bible says if you confess your sins God is just to forgive you, but not so for the state as they want to keep one in bondage. That just goes to show you the humanity of mankind, weather its Government or a fascism state.

    There is no common sense in Government when it comes to the sex registry or people having something on there computer they shouldn’t have. See Government use of sex as a weapon and the registry is like a Hitler’s list so show the world that this guy committed a sin….. I wish the Government would have a list of all the sin’s of those in Government and the crooked police officers that try to make a name of themselves when there are no better than the next person.

    I feel truly sorry for Jesse Ryan and my condolences to his family as this is very tragic.

    These things should never happen, but if we all learn to forgive and learn a more effective way to deal with situations like this without making a prisoner to these types of pressures and help in all cases of sex registry offenses than the States would be better served. Remember the Government people are only public servants. Some might say their vigilante groups with all these ways to put people in bondage for the rest of there lives with these sex laws, why they right there own rules and have them pass some committee ….

    I would never vote for anyone who wants to put someone in bondage for the rest of their life, and I’m sure you all should feel the same way.

    • Anonymous
      June 25, 2015 at 11:10 pm

      What J. TOWNSEND wrote is the best advice for people dealing with these BS porn charges. Some people have gone into serious depression and others have killed themselves, for what? So that the Injustice Government of the US can have the last laugh? Do you think what these bastards and lawmakers are doing is OK? Open your eyes. This isn’t the Land of the Free. This is the Land of BS that have ZERO common sense, fees, fines, and taxes. You’re going to justify throwing people in jail for LOOKING at pictures that you find inappropriate? How Sick in the head do you have to be to destroy people’s lives like this? If these Government officials really wanted to help, they would Fine people for possessing or Accidentally Distributing the Porn, and jail those that actually Physically coerce a child into making Porn. THAT is the fair and balanced way to deal with these “Crimes”. Putting people on a Sex Offender list for possessing, viewing or accidentally sharing Porn of ANY kind is a Disgrace to the USA and founding fathers of this country. It is a pathetic, cowardly, vicious act, which the Public goes along with unfortunately because whatever their Beloved Government tells them is the God’s word and you cannot dare to question God’s word, right? The people that push for these laws should spend some time in Jail and get a good idea of how it feels to ruin decent people’s lives and their families. What a country the USA has turned into! Leading the world in Stupidity, and Zero Common Sense. The same War of Drugs witch hunt has turned into the War on Porn. Throw people in jail for smoking an herb, now throw people in jail for looking at porn. Please stay strong people! The politicians whot make these laws and the prosecutors who vengefully go after such ‘crimes’ just do it to make a big name for themselves. They’re not worth your Breath, let alone your Tax dollars. We need to come together and act to change the system and the injustices that normal, good people have to suffer due to these BS “sex offense” laws. Funny how they don’t have a Violent Offender List right? Doesn’t anybody ever question these things? How is a Porn viewer more dangerous than someone who smashed someone’s head in? Once again, an example of how Pathetic this country’s ‘Justice’ system has become. Stay strong and know that THEY are in the wrong for ruining your life, not you.

      • Nena
        July 8, 2015 at 1:20 am

        Very well said.

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